After so many years I have slept for soemtime this afternoon part of this needs to be atttributed to the curd rice I ate in the Annapoorna buffet. I woke up initially after my cousin called saying he ran out of gas on the freeway so tried to helped him out but he got it fixed himeself.
Dreams Unlimited:
I slept again when the worst things happened. I was day dreaming about the most unrelated things that happened in my life. First my physics teacher in my 10th grade appeared and I went to him and asked what are my marks then he said 25/25. I asked him when I didnt attend the practicals how did I make 25 he said you got it. Then I go back and meet my buddy pavan and asked him whats happening. Then he told you roll no was changed to 22(10th grade) from 29 (9th grade) (infact my roll no is still 29 I still remember it after I wake up). So he opened the marks register (part of it why he had the marks register is he is the guy who had nice handwriting so for anything including our physical details to be written in the diaries he used to do it).
Now I see roll no 22 had 8.5/25 I thought I was screwed up. Then I decided to go and tell my teacher that I went to India recently for a 1.5 months vacation and ask him to reconsider. This was one part of my dream.
The second part is I ws feeling so lazy and this laziness I was able to trace back to 3yrs before when I used to work in the gas station during my M.S. I used to wake up early in the morning at 5:00 AM and go to work at 6:00 and come back at 2:00 in the afternoon. After coming back I used to feel so tired. I was able to trace back the same tiredness I felt in my sleep to about 3yrs back when I worked in the gas station.
I am not sure how these thoughts have raced in to my mind. One way I was fearful of getting less marks in my practicals and other way I was not happy that I have slept the afternoon and trace back my self to what happened in the past.
Now:
I am writing this blog immediately after waking up from sleep and I have decided to wake up immediately after I came to my senses. What are these inner fears in me. Why am I worrying about something that happened (infact didnt happen as I made 23/25) around 12 yrs ago. What can I attribute these fears to. I am turning to be more positive and trying to be myself and I think suddenly everything is working for me but... One thing I have decided is never ever sleep in the afternoon and not eat too much food at the buffet especially curd rice :) I hate myself when I can't control myself over good food but thats my inner sense and I will control it. Can somebody explain what these inner fears are...
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Rockford
Yesterday I saw the movie Rockford. I wanted to see the movie after I heard the songs. A nice heart felt movie where I could relate many of my childhood experiences.
I think people who went to a convent school can relate better than others as the movie is in a missionary school.
More later....
I think people who went to a convent school can relate better than others as the movie is in a missionary school.
More later....
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Positive Thinking
Over the past few days I been thinking much about myself and I have decided to bring about many changes in my life.
I need to be more positive in life eliminate the negative atitude. Look at everything positively.
Look at the good qualities in every one rather than the bad.
I think about many things but putting them on here is quite tough. Very few people have the art of putting their thoughts in to words. I been reading blogs on positive mind and I am quite impressed with many blogs how can they write their thoughts
I need to be more positive in life eliminate the negative atitude. Look at everything positively.
Look at the good qualities in every one rather than the bad.
I think about many things but putting them on here is quite tough. Very few people have the art of putting their thoughts in to words. I been reading blogs on positive mind and I am quite impressed with many blogs how can they write their thoughts
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Why women cry
A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone,
he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said:"When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone,
he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said:"When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."
Inspirational Story - The Greatest Gifts Happen When You Share Love & Touch Others
The Necklace - The Pearls for a Little Girl.
The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.
"Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?"
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.
"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last, she had enough money to buy the necklace. Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said that if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny,
"Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite."
"That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night."
And, he brushed her cheek with a kiss. About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again,
"Do you love me?"
"Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."
"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you."
And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss. A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"
Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said,
"Here, daddy, this is for you."
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket, pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls, and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures. Isn't God good? Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of? Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing. God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.
You can do two things with this story:
A. Pass it on and let others be touched by its message.B. Throw it away and not let it touch your heart.
The greatest gifts happen when you share love and touch others...!!!
The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.
"Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?"
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.
"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last, she had enough money to buy the necklace. Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said that if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny,
"Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite."
"That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night."
And, he brushed her cheek with a kiss. About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again,
"Do you love me?"
"Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."
"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you."
And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss. A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"
Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said,
"Here, daddy, this is for you."
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket, pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls, and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures. Isn't God good? Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of? Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing. God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.
You can do two things with this story:
A. Pass it on and let others be touched by its message.B. Throw it away and not let it touch your heart.
The greatest gifts happen when you share love and touch others...!!!
Inspirational Quotes
Nothing is worth more than this day. You cannot relive yesterday.Tomorrow is still beyond your reach.Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
First we form habits, then they form us.Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you.Rob Gilbert There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy.And its only reward is that it’s easy.Unknown
Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial andunimportant things that you have no time to accept a realchallenge when it comes along. This applies to play aswell as work. A day merely survived is no cause forcelebration. You are not here to fritter away yourprecious hours when you have the ability toaccomplish so much by making a slightchange in your routine. No more busywork. No more hiding from success.Leave time, leave space, to grow.Now. Now! Not tomorrow!Og Mandino
Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.Aldous Huxley
There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying things which are beyond the power of our will. Epictetus
Every artist was first an amateur.Ralph Waldo Emerson
The soul of conversation is sympathy.Thomas Campbell
When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.Ralph Waldo Emerson
To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.Soren Kierkegaard
First we form habits, then they form us.Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you.Rob Gilbert There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy.And its only reward is that it’s easy.Unknown
Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial andunimportant things that you have no time to accept a realchallenge when it comes along. This applies to play aswell as work. A day merely survived is no cause forcelebration. You are not here to fritter away yourprecious hours when you have the ability toaccomplish so much by making a slightchange in your routine. No more busywork. No more hiding from success.Leave time, leave space, to grow.Now. Now! Not tomorrow!Og Mandino
Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.Aldous Huxley
There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying things which are beyond the power of our will. Epictetus
Every artist was first an amateur.Ralph Waldo Emerson
The soul of conversation is sympathy.Thomas Campbell
When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.Ralph Waldo Emerson
To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.Soren Kierkegaard
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Happy/Unhappy
In the past few days a lot of things happened around my mind. I have become childish and immature. Please don't read this as it might be boring. I am writing to let me speak to myself.
I see this girl called xyz in the flight from amsterdam to hyderabad and I like her at the first sight. I see a spark in her face. This is where I fell in to. I forgot to say that I had recieved her info through the marriage bureau a couple of months back but didn't pay much attention.
After few days in India I go to the marriage bureau along with my dad oh man I didn't want to go there but my dad insisted and I had to. This was another horrible experience. Those guys made me sit in front of the computer and showed me around 500 profiles of girls. I didn't know what to do so browsed through a few and got bored. I couldn't help compare it to a street vendor selling vegetables and me differentiating between the good and the bad ones. I didn't like it. So I didn't select any but I stumbled upon Ms xyz's profile. I told my parents that I had seen her in the flight and I like her. I felt deep in my heart she is my soulmate as I already knew something about her thru orkut. Her friends say that she is braod minded, caring ,intelligent, and cultured. So my parents started the initiation process. I don't know if I want to spend my life with some one whom I don't know anything about.
The guys at the bureau contacted Ms xyz ( I thought they should have contacted her parents instead but...) and gave my dad the phone no to speak to Ms xyz. My dad discussed this with me and said parents should talk first and we later. So I agreed (I still don't have an answer whether I did the right thing). So the bureau guys called up her parents and her parents initially said they want to match the horoscopes and the next time they said they were shopping and they would call later.
back to USA man I was feeling so bad that I missed her( though I still only like her) and these thoughts were lingering in my mind. the thing with me is that if I like anyone I love them unconditionally no matter what. I don't know why I do this but this is me from my childhood. I think I need to change that and not get emotionally attached. So I see her in some other online marriage bureau but still didn't dare to contact her as I was not sure whether xyz's family was interested or not. I could have taken that extra step but these matters are very delicate and sensitive in nature. So I became a devadasu (no drinking though) going through her profile every min in orkut.
Finally I gathered the courage to contact her and went to the online site but I couldn't find her profile. so I checked the orkut profile it says single so I had some hope. Yesterday when I looked again I see it as commited. The moment I see it as commited I had a strange feeling that my heart drifted.
I don't know why I am feeling so bad that I missed her. Dude you didnt meet her nor did you talk to her and you dont even know her. Whats the reason behind all this. I am trying to introspect myself to get a clear and better picture of whats happening behind the scenes. I feel bad that I didn't talk to her when she gave the phone no. Was I broad minded or narrow minded?
So I tell this to my cousin he gave an excellent advise as always "Don't be part of the problem Be part of the solution". What is the solution here. I am thinking what is the solution. I think may be "Everything happens for a reason".I don't know the reason. Whatever may be the reason Life moves on but whenever the thought that she is not mine comes to my mind I feel so bad. I still cant understand what these feelings as I have seen better looking girls than her. Now I am trying to control my mind which I never did. May be the forthcoming days will be better.
I get something good out of all this. I introspected myself and found out that I lack confidence in myself. Now I want to rebuild it. Never in my whole life have I ever thought about myself. Why now? I need to know what I am and what can I do to be better
Should I be happy that I am trying to find out more about myself with this incident or be sad that I lsot her?
I see this girl called xyz in the flight from amsterdam to hyderabad and I like her at the first sight. I see a spark in her face. This is where I fell in to. I forgot to say that I had recieved her info through the marriage bureau a couple of months back but didn't pay much attention.
After few days in India I go to the marriage bureau along with my dad oh man I didn't want to go there but my dad insisted and I had to. This was another horrible experience. Those guys made me sit in front of the computer and showed me around 500 profiles of girls. I didn't know what to do so browsed through a few and got bored. I couldn't help compare it to a street vendor selling vegetables and me differentiating between the good and the bad ones. I didn't like it. So I didn't select any but I stumbled upon Ms xyz's profile. I told my parents that I had seen her in the flight and I like her. I felt deep in my heart she is my soulmate as I already knew something about her thru orkut. Her friends say that she is braod minded, caring ,intelligent, and cultured. So my parents started the initiation process. I don't know if I want to spend my life with some one whom I don't know anything about.
The guys at the bureau contacted Ms xyz ( I thought they should have contacted her parents instead but...) and gave my dad the phone no to speak to Ms xyz. My dad discussed this with me and said parents should talk first and we later. So I agreed (I still don't have an answer whether I did the right thing). So the bureau guys called up her parents and her parents initially said they want to match the horoscopes and the next time they said they were shopping and they would call later.
back to USA man I was feeling so bad that I missed her( though I still only like her) and these thoughts were lingering in my mind. the thing with me is that if I like anyone I love them unconditionally no matter what. I don't know why I do this but this is me from my childhood. I think I need to change that and not get emotionally attached. So I see her in some other online marriage bureau but still didn't dare to contact her as I was not sure whether xyz's family was interested or not. I could have taken that extra step but these matters are very delicate and sensitive in nature. So I became a devadasu (no drinking though) going through her profile every min in orkut.
Finally I gathered the courage to contact her and went to the online site but I couldn't find her profile. so I checked the orkut profile it says single so I had some hope. Yesterday when I looked again I see it as commited. The moment I see it as commited I had a strange feeling that my heart drifted.
I don't know why I am feeling so bad that I missed her. Dude you didnt meet her nor did you talk to her and you dont even know her. Whats the reason behind all this. I am trying to introspect myself to get a clear and better picture of whats happening behind the scenes. I feel bad that I didn't talk to her when she gave the phone no. Was I broad minded or narrow minded?
So I tell this to my cousin he gave an excellent advise as always "Don't be part of the problem Be part of the solution". What is the solution here. I am thinking what is the solution. I think may be "Everything happens for a reason".I don't know the reason. Whatever may be the reason Life moves on but whenever the thought that she is not mine comes to my mind I feel so bad. I still cant understand what these feelings as I have seen better looking girls than her. Now I am trying to control my mind which I never did. May be the forthcoming days will be better.
I get something good out of all this. I introspected myself and found out that I lack confidence in myself. Now I want to rebuild it. Never in my whole life have I ever thought about myself. Why now? I need to know what I am and what can I do to be better
Should I be happy that I am trying to find out more about myself with this incident or be sad that I lsot her?
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